I know that it is important. It is important to spend time feeling for others and caring for them. It is important to step away from ego and do something selfless for others. But I am drained and need a pump for myself now. I have a feeling of being
selfish, and my strength is being directed in another direction
presently. I feel egocentric and I am enjoying it, really.
I have been giving too much to others and not enough to myself and things happened this weekend that make me want to just focus on myself.
Kindness to others is important, don't get me wrong, but as a mother and wife, I am afraid I have strangled the person I am and she might not be breathing anymore. Psh, not that bad, but bad enough.
So, I might be wallowing in self pity, but I know I am not, I shall not waste my time on that enough time has been wasted on fencing myself. So I should write about all the energy I am spending upon myself and how nice it feels.
I realised today that I have not got photos of me in the house, so I took my photo albums, found photos of me, from my timeline (!) and scanned them and posted them on facebook and put them into a large frame and made a collage of me, smiling and happy photos and ... now I don't know where in the house to put it up!
Thinking Ill do another something like that about me tomorrow! That should be good. I think it should be fun, cause today I looked at myself in all my forms, and I didn't recognise her as well as I should, maybe because I have not paid attention to her or maybe because I didn't look at her often enough.
For what I can do while I am alive with this person in whose spirit I live, I should at least uphold her and not call that ego.
I have been giving too much to others and not enough to myself and things happened this weekend that make me want to just focus on myself.
Kindness to others is important, don't get me wrong, but as a mother and wife, I am afraid I have strangled the person I am and she might not be breathing anymore. Psh, not that bad, but bad enough.
So, I might be wallowing in self pity, but I know I am not, I shall not waste my time on that enough time has been wasted on fencing myself. So I should write about all the energy I am spending upon myself and how nice it feels.
I realised today that I have not got photos of me in the house, so I took my photo albums, found photos of me, from my timeline (!) and scanned them and posted them on facebook and put them into a large frame and made a collage of me, smiling and happy photos and ... now I don't know where in the house to put it up!
Thinking Ill do another something like that about me tomorrow! That should be good. I think it should be fun, cause today I looked at myself in all my forms, and I didn't recognise her as well as I should, maybe because I have not paid attention to her or maybe because I didn't look at her often enough.
For what I can do while I am alive with this person in whose spirit I live, I should at least uphold her and not call that ego.
1 comment:
Tasnim like you seem to intimate, our life's work is to better know thyself and become more fully yourself. We all have God given talents and it is of the utmost importance that we don't squander those talents but share them as fully as possible with as many other people as we can. Then we are truly doing God's work. And she will look down at us with a smile and make sure her her will is more fully realized in each one of us. And you are destined for great things. Your time of struggle and confusion is drawing to a close and it is time for a new dawn to appear. And you to appear from the fog, fully realized in all your glory. And for others around you to have nothing but a deep admiration for who you are. I know I do. Maybe I will be your biggest fan.
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