Who's there?

There is a buzz in my ear. It is coming from within. My eyes roll inside my head as if to find who it is making this distant sound. And I find it then, just as I momentarily fling away all the others that dwell in my skull, in that quietness of my mind she is wailing, calling me to her. That noise is her knock-knock knocking on heaven's door.

From the mind springs the power to live!

I am making a concerted effort to learn to think outside the box.

So each day I wake up and say, today I am thinking of, eg, what I might do with my next voice message that will be different from what I left yesterday.

Putting a thought agenda into my morning, from the moment I am building up my day, from the first chores I do, I have learned to tune my mind to spin around the thought and see it in different and new directions.

I have learnt this from when I am mulling over the past and how my brain starts looking at that and fine tunes it so that I am living it in my reality today, as if that was happening to me now! Why not use that power and make it work for me, and use it on a forward moving, positively growing train that will rumble in the jungle with glee?

And even a simple idea for a voice mail message to prospects is turning out to be a challenging and fruitful endeavour!

Who needs to be urgent for me?

My family knows there is no one I put ahead of them.
If they want to bank on someone, choose anyone, it will be me.
But all the things that I ask of them, are never ever done.
And if I get what I want from them, it is because I forced them.

My husband knows that I am his slave.
If he needs a solid structure to lean on, it will be me.
But all the things I need as wife, are never just given to me
And if I get what I want from him, it is because I begged him.

My family knows that I am fierce, just to make them be brave.
If they ever want to learn something, it will be me who will teach them.
But when I want them to behave like friends, I often get the brats in them.
And then its not worth anything when they are not good to she who made them.

My husband knows that I am loving, just to make his life be grand
If he ever wants or needs anything, I will give him his every demand
But when I want a loving companion, I get a stubborn man
And there is no kindness no love no wit no friend, just his bitter angst!

My family knows that I am living on the same time line
If they want a legacy from me, I too should have one from them
But all the direction, all the years that I am a mother not just a dame
And all the missing bits I need filled in, will be just lost into thin air

My husband knows that I lived with him to make my life better
If he wants a laugh from me, I should have one from him too
But all the chats and days and times that make me wife not just a dame
And the joy I needed in our lives, were smiles he never gave to float into my air.

Poetry inspired by a painting.

My Heart


My Heart gallops like a frisky horse
It has been racing since I met you.


My heart is melting into love with you
It feels at once like a tranquil pond and sea heaving blue


My heart beats like a distant drum
It counts the wasted days I pine for you


My heart waits behind the glass of time
It drops its reasons, one by one, poured in a hope for you


My heart has strings warping the truth
It spins a gold angel not the yellow canary that is you


"Heart" Painting, Acrylic on canvas, By Farroukh
"My Heart" Poetry by Tasnim Jivaji

Peep into my only life.

Reality
Tabloids, Shows
Have nothing, compared

To
What you
Will See Here

If
You Can
Leave a Bug

And
See What
I hide here.

Where
Is Shame
Respect and Love

Gone
Burned Washed
In Furious Lineage

My
Five souls
Fix me here.

There is no other God - There is no other Me.

If there is a God,
In that Image am I
If I am who I imagine,
Then God, am I there!

Soldiers dont have choices, do they

You know the identity if a true soldier is one that puts on the colours of his country and gets all nice and shaven only to climb onto a plane that will throw him into a dark sky onto hostile soil.  However, that has nothing to do with the fact that he will or will not make enemies there, because the people whom he bears arms against could have been friends deprived of chances for that first greeting, for that possibility to become bosom pals.
They bow on the stage where ancient hatreds were born and nourished and get chosen to play the part of bleeders and slayers of innocents, they cast stones sometimes for wrongs that no longer are wrongs.
For leaders who don the mask of father send their sons to horrible uncharted graves in search for their own glories and to hands stain with metals in the medals that hate to shine for the reasons that they do and would rather have stayed in the belly of mother earth and never been mined to be forged into round guilty honours for death and destruction.

I can't change the tides of life.

What does a mother never say?
That it doesn't feel good to be a mother,

What would a new mother never know until its too late?
That it doesn't make me proud to see the hatred,

Is there more pain than the pangs of labour, huh mother?
Yes, It is a pain to stoop all the time and be kind,

Why would you change the way it works, mother?
It is a shame that they don't learn until it hurts.

What comes next comes and lays the step for an aftermath.

It isnt planned, the great truth is the gamble

The randomness

 

What happens next is never what we plan

It never comes out the way we intend

 

Where we are after the spoils

is where we are, there is no rocket science

 

Why it happens is simple

we have no answers, do not try the math.

 

So all we can do

is be still and let the calm take control

Wave

And I tumble back to the shore
thrashing   churning     foaming
Until I am no more